Victims Remembered at Mutual Ground Candlelight Vigil

Linda Almas of Yorkville spent 13 years in an abusive marriage.

Her husband, she said, would fly into fits of rage that ended with bruises and black eyes. He would belittle her, and laugh at the things she held dear. Disputes that could have been solved peacefully, she said, often ended with bruises up and down her arms, as he grabbed her and shook her.

“Any attempt at a serious discussion would end with his hands over my face and mouth, telling me to shut up,” Almas said. “He would tell me he was helping me, and this was all for my own good.”

Though it took years, Almas finally broke the cycle of abuse, with the help of Mutual Ground, the domestic violence shelter based in Aurora. And though she once kept silent, she said she now tells her story to anyone who will listen, hoping to help as many victims as she can.

Almas told that story on Wednesday night, at Mutual Ground’s annual candlelight vigil. And as she did, the crowd of supporters were silent, awed by her bravery and commitment to helping others who find themselves where she once was.

“Who stays with these people? I never imagined I would, and it’s a reasonable question,” said Almas, a former police officer. “But the cycle of abuse is real, and it grabs hold of you with lightning speed.”

“Escaping can be challenging, but it can be done,” she said.

Almas’ story was the centerpiece of Wednesday night’s vigil, which drew dozens to the . It was the first time Mutual Ground staff had held the vigil outside of Aurora, and Executive Director Michelle Meyer said the organization is hoping to spread the word of its services beyond its home base.

Mutual Ground, founded in 1975, is one of the largest and oldest domestic violence shelters in the state. It serves southern Kane and Kendall counties, and its programs, designed to help victims take charge of their situations, are kept confidential and offered free of charge. The shelter exists on donations and grants.

The vigil is hld each year in October, which is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It is intended both as a chance to honor those who survived their domestic violence situations, like Almas, and to remember those who did not.

Before participants lit candles and observed a moment of silence, Meyer read off the names of local victims who have died, including Brandi Jo Murphy of Oswego, who was by her on-again, off-again boyfriend Daniel Kiefer in August. Kiefer then killed himself, according to police reports.   

Roughly ten percent of all criminal cases filed in Kendall County involve some form of domestic violence, said Eric Weis, the county’s state’s attorney, a guest speaker at Wednesday’s vigil. That means about ten percent of the people in the court system are there because of something they have to deal with when they return home, he said.

“We’ve seen what happens when domestic violence cases are not treated the way they should be,” he said, referencing Murphy’s death.

Wednesday’s vigil was the first for Kathy Brown of Oswego. In 2009, Brown’s daughter, Kari Clawson, then 28, was killed by her boyfriend. Clawson’s story is similar to Murphy’s – her boyfriend subsequently turned the gun on himself. And even though it’s been two years, Brown said, the pain is fresh.

That pain will never go away, Brown said, but she was happy to hear her daughter’s name read out before the moment of silence.

“That keeps it alive for me,” she said.

Brown has participated in Mutual Ground’s Walk for Hope every year since her daughter died, and believes in the shelter’s mission. She said she wished more people could have heard Almas’ speech.

Meyer said the current economic downturn has taken its toll on Mutual Ground, but the shelter still does all it can to help victims of domestic violence. That mission, she said, involves connecting with people throughout the area, sharing stories and spreading the word.

“If coming here tonight, to the Montgomery Police Department, helps even just one person reach out for help, then we’ve done our job,” she said.

A fundraiser for Mutual Ground will be held on Saturday at the law offices of McAdams and Associates, 674 W. Veterans Parkway in Yorkville, from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. It will include a haunted house, hayrides, a moonwalk, raffles, prizes and games. For more information, call 630-553-1313.